Greetings!!
I was just another person like you. The only difference between you and me was the utterly confused state of my mind. Unanswerable questions clouded my mind subconsciously 24 hours 7 days a week. I searched for answers regarding the purpose of my existence. I sought the answer for why I was unable to answer these questions. Questions gave life to more questions and they in turn gave life to more and more questions. It would not be wrong to say my days and nights were completely fogged by questions - and I had started experiencing a certain mounting anxiety, queer restlessness for not being able to answer questions formulated by my own brains and extreme disorientation for the absolute loss of a career in life. Life looked meaningless. Purpose seemed to be the secret that would never unroll in front of me. Days were spent in misery, nights in torture.
It clicked me a few times to go on an expedition to find the truth like many central characters in many stories. Being a lady, that looked all the more insane if not questionable by the traditional Pakistani customs and norms. Alas! The answer was right in front of me all the while.
A few days back, we were asked to regularize our Prayers (Namaz - the daily Islamic ritual of thanking the Almighty) for bonus marks in an assignment for a course at the university. Initially demotivated by the marks scheme (since Prayers are for the Almighty Creator and not for gaining marks in an assignment!), I managed to talk out my concerns with the facilitator who assigned us this task. When my doubts were cleared, I tried to give it a shot.
There is nothing more peaceful, more enlightening than the late night prayers - Isha! It was my first prayer of this attempt, and I was already partly cleared in my head. The feeling of praying before the Creator is simply inexpressible! The peace, the solace, the sense of having a Being far Greater than myself, the feeling of having someone to turn to when all doors are closed is inexpressibly calming, comforting and soothing! Being the writer I am often made to realize, I am completely lost for words to express what I felt that time. Finally, my restless soul for the past 1 year (since this was the time I left prayers and started questioning existence) found solace in a 1400 year old remedy - the gift for us Muslims!
May Allah Bless Us All,
Peace.
I was just another person like you. The only difference between you and me was the utterly confused state of my mind. Unanswerable questions clouded my mind subconsciously 24 hours 7 days a week. I searched for answers regarding the purpose of my existence. I sought the answer for why I was unable to answer these questions. Questions gave life to more questions and they in turn gave life to more and more questions. It would not be wrong to say my days and nights were completely fogged by questions - and I had started experiencing a certain mounting anxiety, queer restlessness for not being able to answer questions formulated by my own brains and extreme disorientation for the absolute loss of a career in life. Life looked meaningless. Purpose seemed to be the secret that would never unroll in front of me. Days were spent in misery, nights in torture.
It clicked me a few times to go on an expedition to find the truth like many central characters in many stories. Being a lady, that looked all the more insane if not questionable by the traditional Pakistani customs and norms. Alas! The answer was right in front of me all the while.
A few days back, we were asked to regularize our Prayers (Namaz - the daily Islamic ritual of thanking the Almighty) for bonus marks in an assignment for a course at the university. Initially demotivated by the marks scheme (since Prayers are for the Almighty Creator and not for gaining marks in an assignment!), I managed to talk out my concerns with the facilitator who assigned us this task. When my doubts were cleared, I tried to give it a shot.
There is nothing more peaceful, more enlightening than the late night prayers - Isha! It was my first prayer of this attempt, and I was already partly cleared in my head. The feeling of praying before the Creator is simply inexpressible! The peace, the solace, the sense of having a Being far Greater than myself, the feeling of having someone to turn to when all doors are closed is inexpressibly calming, comforting and soothing! Being the writer I am often made to realize, I am completely lost for words to express what I felt that time. Finally, my restless soul for the past 1 year (since this was the time I left prayers and started questioning existence) found solace in a 1400 year old remedy - the gift for us Muslims!
May Allah Bless Us All,
Peace.
really touching !!
ReplyDeleteThank you
ReplyDelete